Saturday, January 23, 2010

heavy heart

Before I even opened my eyes this morning i realized that my heart was heavy. Is it possible for your heart to actually gain weight overnight? No doubt it was heavier and larger than it was when I closed my eyes the night before. As I lay in bed observing the mass, feeling the heaviness creep up my chest and and into my throat, lingering just behind my eyes where the tears make little puddles that wait to overflow, as if to hold onto the sadness with the sense that there is more to come.
Today is the day our last son heads back to college to finish his final semester. The others have come and gone over the holiday. Today marks the end of holiday break for all. I've been here before many times with five children, this is our story. Come and go. The doors are always open to come home and then to go out... as is my heart, always open. the difference is they inhabit my heart, they never leave it not for a moment. I carry them and their stories, their joys their sorrows along with my own in my heart, my life force.
This is the divine privilege of being their mother.

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