I am an open vessel

I am here.
I am open to be filled with all that is to be learned and explored.
Yet the more I learn
the more I realize
how very little
I know.

Rainbow sprinkles, Please.

Yesterday I ordered myself a vanilla ice cream cone with rainbow sprinkles. The little girl in me loves the colors and the texture,it is a happy, joyful, yummy time licking and savoring my sprinkle covered ice cream treat. And when I nurture that little girl, I honor my grown up woman-self.
Delicious!

Enough

Is love really big enough, steady enough, open enough. Is it unwavering and strong and beautiful, is it colorful and crazy and vibrant and alive enough for me to believe...
that I am enough?

What i know for sure

I woke up this morning smiling in spite of myself about all the things I thought i knew for sure...but didn't. Like this job, we haven't heard anything at this point so..its not very likely that it is his.
But yesterday i bought myself a piece of "the ultimate vanilla white cake" from Wegmans. I took my first bite and was instantly transported to my mom-moms kitchen.
We LOVED mom-moms vanilla cake, especially the icing; light, creamy, sweet..like no other. As i savored each yummy morsel i felt like home, loved, cherished adored. I know for sure in my grandmothers kitchen i was precious. I know for sure that mom-moms vanilla white cake was the the true "ultimate" because that delightful concoction was infused with her ultimate love.
This i do know for sure.

light

Today the sun was out all day.
I felt the light.
I was in the light and it was in me.

Enough already!

I'm done living in the "if he gets this job", "if he doesn't get this job" mode. I've spent too much time dividing my thoughts, my time, my energy into the before and after. I will practice, practice, practice being in the now.

The practice of letting go...

The practice of letting go. Will I ever even remotely get it?
I've got the breath in (slowly) and breath out (even more slowly)...
and the out for a walk, fresh air, movement, looking at the clouds
in the moment experience... (got that down)
not to mention the I surrender down on my knees in prayer attempts
and last but not least the music, the turn up the volume, let the music fill you, dance and sing at the top of my lungs thing.

But when the stillness comes...it sneaks in, sometimes in the back door quietly other times boldly in my face bolting through the front door.

Any suggestions on this letting go thing? anyone?